I Am Really Confused
What is your insights on giving money to parents when you are already married? I am happy that my father provides everything for us even if I am now married but my in-laws do otherwise and even made my husband pay for her little sister’s nursing tuition fee even if we do not have a regular income.
This is one thing that confuses me all the time and giving me anxieties at night. Isn’t it that the children are the parents responsibility? I raise my kid not asking my father for a tuition fee but out of our own earnings because i think thats the right thing to do it.
But when your parents are still strong and working and you know that has a lot of money, why pass the responsibility of making your daughter go to school to his brother? It’s not that I am selfish or what but we are not that rich nor stable as to we can afford to send one kid to a nursing school. We know how expensive it is, right?
As a mother my first priority is my kid over somebody else’s kid but my husband thinks otherwise. He also wants to send her sister to school even if we cannot afford it for he said “maybe” she can help us on my daughter’s schooling when she graduated. Maybe? it only means he is not even sure about it.
I am really confused about this matter, I am worried about my daughter’s needs if our monthly earnings will be halved just by sending her sis to college. I want her sis to finished college, I am happy if she will but how about my daughter? I want to help but only up to what we can and not to what they want it to be. I hope they realized that we also have money problems and we also have expenses.
I am really confused, I don’t know if my thinking is bad or what but all I want is for my kid’s security. As the bible says..
Behold, a third time I am ready to come to you. And I will not burden you, for I do not seek your things, but you. For the children ought not to lay up treasure for the parents, but the parents for the children. 2Cor 12:14
I am a mother and I only want what’s best for my kid.
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May 17th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
ganun talaga pag sobrang bait, tumutulong sa iba at hindi na iniisip ang sarili
btw, binibigyan ko lang parents ko ng pera kapag pasok pa sa budget ko.. Kahit di pa ako kasal.. kasi wala naman silang work kaya dapat bigyan… hehehe. not necessary naman na if kasal ka dapat bigyan mo.. it’s not ur obligation, it’s simply gratitude from you for them that’s why ur sharing what u have.. pero hindi mo responsibilidad yun…
pero pag sa tingin mo di kaya ng budget pag bibigyan mo pa sila.. ipon ka muna para sayo at sa family u.. dapat talaga unahin u ang sarili u and ur family before others… first things first ika nga….
just my 1.5 cents.. ^__^
Jehzeel Laurentes last blog post..My bet for the Top 10 Emerging Influential Blogs of 2008
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admin reply on May 18, 2008 1:33 am:
ganun nga sana ang dapat kaso pag di naka bigay husband ko s parents nya ang dami nasasabi with matching tampo pa.. Tnx s advice jez!
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May 19th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Hi Joanjoyce,
There is this thing in the Philippines, part of our cultural traits, to have the elder child support the education of younger siblings, who in turn will support even younger siblings. That’s what your husband’s parents must be brought up on.
In part, especially if they are old and on medication, is because they can no longer afford it and would require support from those already with jobs. Or, if they are tired and would want to get something for themselves before the pass away.
The modern thinking is your’s first, other’s later. It’s their obligation to pay for the education of all children they brought into this world, not mine. This view is definitely from the perspective of the one being asked for support. But the parents view is that they sacrificed their entire lives, “can you please help us out here”?
The thing calls for a little sacrifice on your part, reducing your amusement expenses, eating out, purchases of lifestyle trimmings ( gadgets, cell phones, etc.) which they probably feel is ostentatious, and “you must be making plenty, so help us with your sister”.
It’s a difficult balancing act, but being honest and open would help - yet you will still have to share some amount. Tell them about your desire to help, but tell them your limitations. Perhaps part of the tuition, and a small allowance, books and lab experiments are too heavy and it will affect your own daughter’s needs. Maybe you can tell them you’d need to borrow money for the tuition as you have saved only for your daughters needs, since income is not that much nor regular. This would reduce the expected burden. But never let on that you refuse or dislike to provide something.
Once you’ve come across with the amount, make the monthly allowance weekly or even have it in small denominations, to let them see that it’s a big sacrifice. Come to their place bringing the meager dinner you intend to cook for your family. Share them some of the longganisa if need be, just so long as they see you are sacrificing and are not irritated about it. This trait may be so ingrained in them that it would be difficult to remove soon. Make sure you communicate in a subtle way and over time that this method is getting less and less viable.
Good Luck.
–Durano, done!
durano lawayans last blog post..Grief for a Gone Generation
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admin reply on May 21, 2008 1:58 am:
thanks for the advice durano.. but I cannot talk directly to his parents because it’s non of my business i guess, lol! but me and my husband spoke about it, that this amount is all we can afford for now. He told me that he’ll rely about it to his parents.
Her other sis in Malaysia will also help their little sis so it would make it easier for all of us to send their bunso in college. We agreed to send money on alternate-month-basis and the baon would be i guess with their parents.
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May 30th, 2008 at 1:52 am
hi sis! you are in a difficult situation.. and its doubly hard coz its your inlaws. if you ask me, mommy din kc me so I would really prioritize my kids future needs. If there is extra then it will be great to help. But then you should not be pressured in sending you sis in law to school. Talk it out with your hubby and it is your business coz your budget and finances will be affected di ba.
Hope everything will turn out well.. Good luck sis!
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admin reply on May 30, 2008 11:19 am:
i hope they’ll understand, you know parents seems to act like they are correct all the time
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May 31st, 2008 at 7:53 am
It depends on the situation. If you guys don’t help out what then? What about when you are older and need help?
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admin reply on June 2, 2008 1:36 am:
we want but not on how much they want them for us to give because we only have enough
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June 28th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
All I can say to all parents out there SAVE something for yourselves. You can never tell what the future will bring. It is difficult to leave your retirement years in the hands of yes, even your own children.
Ensure that you have your own money for your retirement days. Furthermore, that you have a good life insurance plan plus a hospital card.
Cheers!
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