joanjoyce

I don’t know if somewhere between in your married life or even in just a relationship you felt no love anymore.

Is this an episode we really have to pass through or does this mean it’s over?

I am kinda loosing all the excitements I felt when we were just dating, on early months of our relationship or even after pregnancy. Maybe somewhow, getting through all the trials on our marriage, I kinda loose the trust.

I worried a lot, as in paranoid. Well he is kinda okey now, but it is really hard for me to be what I used to.

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Is it right to do what only makes you happy and never consider the people around you? Doing the things I love is so easy for it will made me forget my problems but taking for granted my other responsibilities even for 5 hours would be another problem and sometimes will make me feel guilty.

I know that the time that we get married and have kid(s), us girls really dedicated ourselves on becoming a loving wife and a very caring mother that most of the time or I should say until we forget that we also have our own self to care about.

It really depresses me at night thinking how my life is when I was still single and to now that I am married. I remember the time when I want something I’ll buy it, if friends want to go malling, night out or travel expect me to be there but this time I cannot even find time to call them to check how they are. The only thing I can do is to forward them with funny and friendly text messages to make them know I still exist.

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I decided to made my index a blog because I want to rant about my life. Most of you really wants a personal touch on my slash blog because I categorized it as a personal blog but when I found my niche on doing make money online thing, you know what i mean right?, I seldom talked about myself and what I feel. So here, I made this to continue my purpose to be well again through expressing what I feel.

So last July 2007 I made a blog to help me with my sickness, it is called anxiety. Whenever my mind gets idle, so many what ifs are running around on my thoughts. Year 2005 was the worst year of my life because I had so many episodes of anxiety, actually that time it was from waking up until I fall asleep at night.

But me finding sleep is already a big struggle. I hyperventilate, I palpitate and cannot sleep while no one is awake. That struggle gave me only 3 to 4 hours a day of sleep. As soon as I found out that my palpitation is nothing physical but a psychological disability I stopped going to hospitals.

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